i realize i haven’t been writing in this place. because if i can’t be honest, i just don’t want to write it down. and i don’t feel like i can be honest. not here. not now. it suddenly feels way too hard to deliver my actual truth here (did i ever? i don’t know). and i find myself, these days, really longing for actual and true intimacy. i’m not sure if i’ll ever get back to the point to which i can write here again. then again, maybe i just did.