is there a point in your life when you stop having any kind of real thoughts and your mind just spins on to-do lists? cause it’s boring me to tears. i can even see all the check boxes next to the list, which goes on seemingly forever, and none of them are checked.
strangely, at the same time, i feel like i don’t really have that much to do. not really. nothing earth shattering. but my brain has been reprogrammed into a list churner that makes me feel like i have a million things to do. or keep done.
i think i want my old brain back. it was much better at thinking about less boring things. or at least things i didn’t have to check off (chik-chik) when i was done thinking about them. kids fed and kept alive (chik-chik), husband somewhere in the house (chik-chik), getting sleepy (chik-chik), prepared to dream (chik-chik) — ack! preparing to dream has got to be saddest part yet…
loving:
- zipping him up and tucking him in this winter bed, my baby
- reading him to sleep, my first baby, his new, already-t00-short jam pants halfway up his calves
- a poem: “new year’s day” by kim addonizio
- ohhh, jo handbags (via ss)
today is pretty 
I understand that churning feeling. Not so fun.
If I could prepare for ‘good’ dreams, I’d do it in a minute.
i do love checklists but yes, i’ve been kept up at night by obsessing over them
i think the worse problem is that i’ve begun to think in to-do lists. even about things that don’t have to be done!