the new camellias press their pink faces against the window from outside. i guess i should feel paranoid, being watched in this way, but it only startles me for a moment when the black of night first drops down around me.

spent most of the day trying to feel grounded, trying to get to that good and right feeling (you know the one?) and i never really got there. just wanted to feel like things are on track and i’m doing what i’m supposed to do. god and just now i got a foot cramp so painful it made me holler and throw myself across the bed like a crazy person while ed tried not to laugh.

i’ll try again for something good tomorrow.