it’s me again. i’m sitting here in the dark. again. hello.
i’m wondering. do you ever sometimes just completely forget who you are? even though you’ve known yourself, like, forever? even though you’ve trialed and tribulated on that personage for several decades?
for example, after finishing lunch with my mom today, i ordered a GIANT, iced black coffee and promptly sucked it down through a straw. me. the wimp who only drinks decaf coffee BECAUSE I CAN’T HANDLE COFFEE CAFFEINE. what was I thinking? i can’t drink coffee. especially not midday for chrissakes. how could i forget this? after making this mistake so many times before? after knowing myself jittering and bumping on coffee all too well?
looking back, i think it was simply because the server offered it up in such a tasty after-lunch way. he made it sound like dessert. and it made me forget. just like that. frickin’ crafty hypnotist waiters …
let’s just say my coworkers got A LOT of “great ideas” in their email boxes after that. sigh.
i don’t know what happened. i just forgot who i was for a minute. or i just wanted to be that girl who can suck down coffee and be like a normal person after that. as if.
from our drive up the hill last weekend. i needed some forest and i got some forest.
It’s here! So excited to finally share this beautiful book project from Tracey Clark with you!
In her new book Elevate the Everyday: A Photographic Guide to Picturing Motherhood, Tracey manages to combine her years of photography expertise with amazing and practical tips for capturing the journey of motherhood. The book is not only gorgeous, helpful, and insanely inspiring, but it’s also full of several must-read stories of motherhood — her own and those of many of the mom writers and bloggers you know and love. I am beyond honored to have my own story included in the book.
Take a look!
And yippeee! Here’s my story:
library + bird + office chair.
i wonder if there’s a poem in there.
flu fog has lifted. finally. and i am now forced to face the part of myself that scares me most. the part that is perfectly content watching day after day of good and bad tv. two full days of flu equated to liz lemon, kardashians + jersey shorians + housewives, carrie-miranda-charlotte-samantha, a celebrity rehab reunion (oh, dr. drew, i am worried about some of them…), plus joan + melissa rivers, and some 20 women who kill. it also meant the kids are alright, cat on a hot tin roof, and more in treatment.
there is no way i could have held up a book or even a magazine, but somehow i managed the clicker. click click click. there was no one here to save me from myself (thank god.).
the new camellias press their pink faces against the window from outside. i guess i should feel paranoid, being watched in this way, but it only startles me for a moment when the black of night first drops down around me.
spent most of the day trying to feel grounded, trying to get to that good and right feeling (you know the one?) and i never really got there. just wanted to feel like things are on track and i’m doing what i’m supposed to do. god and just now i got a foot cramp so painful it made me holler and throw myself across the bed like a crazy person while ed tried not to laugh.
i’ll try again for something good tomorrow.
now that’s what i’m talkin’ ’bout. a pretty instant photo. this really cheered me up. i am not a total instant photo loser after all!
other things that cheer me up:
- the purple tulips shown above. they’re still right here and lovely as ever.
- green tea after weeks of black because i was out of green. dear god, black tea is not for me. green! i am already thinking about tomorrow’s pot.
- this short film on the sartorialist.
- a guy at work named his baby clementine
- this fine yellow fellow.
- winter coat, cold face.
- i want to see somewhere
- pink camellia bushes in full bloom — even on a frosty 28-degree morning.
- the anthropologie sweater and black banana republic pants (perfectly my size!) found thrifting
- modern family — best… show… ever…!
- this night, this dark night, the music close inside my ears, and the years running through my mind like a freight train of heavy, sparkling moments i don’t mind carrying with me forever